Last year my timetable had me in 2 different classrooms every day (one for math and one for science), both of which were used by only one other teacher all day. The teacher I shared a math classroom with had prep during the one period I taught in there, and got to know the faces of some of my students as she popped in and out of the room now and then and waited for us to clear out so she could get set up for the next period. We got along pretty well, and she complimented me on my board notes several times that year.
This year, that teacher has a couple of the students in her grade 10 math class that I had in that grade 9 math class. When I popped into her room to show her something a couple of days ago, one of those students noticed and loudly piped up, "Hi, Miss!" Later that day, when I popped down to the hospitality department to purchase yummy student-prepared food for my lunch (I *love* having an excellent hospitality department at our school), that same student was there serving food..."Hi, Miss!" In both cases, I smiled, said hi, and carried on with my day...I'm not real chatty with students outside my own classroom, unfortunately, and, well, let's just say my experience with this particular student was not the most pleasant.
Today, when I was chatting with that student's math teacher about this and that, I mentioned being amused at her enthusiasm...and this teacher told me that student has a deep respect for me as a teacher. Huh? *Her?* I sure didn't feel respected by her last year...huh.
Last semester, at parent-teacher night, I had a similar experience with another student...someone who was not doing so hot academically and probably got my unhappy face more frequently than I might have liked for wasting time during class. Pretty much the first thing her mother told me was, "You're her favourite teacher!" Huh? I'm *her* favourite teacher? Really? Don't I give her a hard time and get annoyed with her a lot? Huh.
This semester, I have been pretty sticky about making students use a sign-in sheet when they are late and when they take "washroom" breaks...a policy that I have adopted from multiple teachers in the school (it's got history behind it that we don't need to discuss here). I was mildly shocked one day to see my first instance of swearing at me on one of these sheets, basically telling me to eff off. Of course it was done completely anonymously, and I discussed with another teacher that I had decided to intentionally not address the issue in class...lecturing the whole class was pointless and would probably only lead to an escalation of aggravating incidents. She told me that it was an indication that I probably have a crazy student in my class, because as students have talked in her class she has got the impression that I am generally well-liked. Really? By my students? Even the ones whom I probably make feel my irritation with them on a regular basis? Huh.
Last semester, I commented once to my grade 12 college-preparation-level chemistry class that they were my favourite class (they were...probably partly because the material was more intellectual than the grade 9 and 10 courses I taught the rest of the day and partly because the students were closer to me in age than my grade 9s and 10s and I felt I "clicked" better with them). One student replied, "Why, miss? We're a**holes!" I guess the surprise goes both ways. Huh. Maybe that's something I should fix...students should not be surprised that when all is said and done, their teacher still believes in their potential and likes something about them, even if they are one of those students that seem to be wasting that potential at the moment.
One student from that grade 12 class greeted me warmly today & we chatted for a bit in the hallway (look at that...I guess I do chat with students occasionally)...and that was a student I had to fail. Really? He is not bitter? Huh. Perhaps he was just as surprised that I was not bitter about his failure to get the credit.
I could put some words in here about how you never know what impression you're making on those around you, or about how we are all being watched all the time, and I could probably even tie it into what I talked about during the young adults' service this past Sunday, but I won't. I am just recording some thoughts that were in my head here. Besides, I have an in-school professional development workshop all day tomorrow, and I still have to put together supply teacher material for my grade 10 classes (though I am actually just going to modify another teacher's material, and the prep for my grade 9 class is already done), and it's already 10:00 at night. Part of the reason I try to build in safeguards against procrastination when I assign projects is because I procrastinate so easily myself, heh...
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Bucket List
[Got this from Miriam.] Place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not, then send it to your friends.
Things you have done during your lifetime:
( ) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school [only a few classes, never a full day!]
( ) Watched someone die
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
( ) Been to Florida
( ) Been to Hawaii
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a helicopter
(x) Been lost
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
( ) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang Karaoke [but never at a bar/etc., only at friends' houses, in a college lounge, etc.]
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( ) Made prank phone calls [no, but I have called people & then hung up because of being too nervous to speak]
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe [I think...]
( ) Watched the sunrise with someone
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
(x) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving [nope, but I've been parasailing]
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country [only for like 3 weeks, so likely doesn't count]
(x) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets [Camp Saugeen forever!]
(x) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
( ) Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
( ) Been on a cruise [I think this means one where you sleep on board, so the various sight-seeing cruises I've been on likely don't count]
( ) Traveled by train
( ) Traveled by motorcycle
(x) Been horseback riding
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco cable car
( ) Been to Disneyworld
(x) Truly believe in the power of prayer
( ) Been in a rain forest
(x) Seen whales in the ocean [six times, and they were so close!!!]
(x) Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
( ) Been water-skiing [tried to, but couldn't get up, & then gave up]
(x) Been snow-skiing [I have never heard it called this before...anyway, I am counting cross-country here...gave up too early to get off the bunny hill as far as downhill goes]
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
(x) Been to a Major League Baseball game
( ) Been to a National Football League game
( ) Jumped in the ocean when it was 20 degrees
Things you have done during your lifetime:
( ) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school [only a few classes, never a full day!]
( ) Watched someone die
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
( ) Been to Florida
( ) Been to Hawaii
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a helicopter
(x) Been lost
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
( ) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang Karaoke [but never at a bar/etc., only at friends' houses, in a college lounge, etc.]
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
( ) Made prank phone calls [no, but I have called people & then hung up because of being too nervous to speak]
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe [I think...]
( ) Watched the sunrise with someone
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
(x) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving [nope, but I've been parasailing]
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country [only for like 3 weeks, so likely doesn't count]
(x) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets [Camp Saugeen forever!]
(x) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
( ) Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
( ) Been on a cruise [I think this means one where you sleep on board, so the various sight-seeing cruises I've been on likely don't count]
( ) Traveled by train
( ) Traveled by motorcycle
(x) Been horseback riding
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco cable car
( ) Been to Disneyworld
(x) Truly believe in the power of prayer
( ) Been in a rain forest
(x) Seen whales in the ocean [six times, and they were so close!!!]
(x) Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
( ) Been water-skiing [tried to, but couldn't get up, & then gave up]
(x) Been snow-skiing [I have never heard it called this before...anyway, I am counting cross-country here...gave up too early to get off the bunny hill as far as downhill goes]
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
(x) Been to a Major League Baseball game
( ) Been to a National Football League game
( ) Jumped in the ocean when it was 20 degrees
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
More fill-in-the-blank procrastination
Well, look at that, I got sent another one of those fill-in-the-blank things that claims it helps your friends get to know you by telling them such soul-searching stuff as what you're wearing at the moment. Well, I'm in a mood to play along...
1. What is your occupation right now?
High school math and science teacher
2. What color are your socks right now?
Black. I always wear black socks at work unless the laundry situation does not allow it...I know, I know, black socks never get dirty, but I just can't help but wash them anyway.
3. What are you listening to right now?
The fans pumping mass quantities of heated air into my classroom on this coldest day of the year (until tomorrow)
4. What was the last thing that you ate?
Trail mix
5. Can you drive a stick shift?
Yes, and do so pretty much every day...I get very confused in an automatic car :S
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Someone from the York University Foundation thanking me for the donation I gave way back before the strike started.
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Well, sure, he's my brother after all...you can't not like someone related to someone as wonderful as me ;).
8. How old are you today?
28 (for another 17 days)
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
Hockey...but I don't even watch that.
10. What is your favorite drink?
Cola (Coca-Cola or Pepsi...I don't usually care which, although I swing one way or another at times)
11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
No. Someone told me it would never come back the same and that scared me off.
12. Favorite food?
Does chocolate count?
13. What is the last movie you watched?
I showed my students part of Lion King the other day. You know you're a teacher when you choose the movie based on its curricular relevancy (we just finished studying ecology).
The last movie I saw in the theatre was The Tale of Disappointment--I mean, uh, Desperaux.
14. Favorite day of the year?
My birthday...in theory. Depends on the year.
15. How do you vent anger?
Depends...is anyone around to hear me?
16. What was your favorite toy as a child?
I spent a lot of time with LEGO, My Little Pony, and Barbie...but I also liked making stuff.
17. What is your favorite season?
Weather-wise, spring, but summer in general. I now have magnets that state the three best things about being a teacher are the month of June, the month of July, and the month of August :).
18. Cherries or Blueberries?
Strawberries.
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back?
I like e-mails...
20. Who is the most likely to respond?
*shrug* I hate it when these things ask this question. I think it is meant to guilt-trip someone into answering.
21. Who is least likely to respond?
See above.
22. Living arrangements?
Me and the hubby in a basement apartment we rent from my MIL (who lives upstairs with my 2 SILs)...oh, and the in-laws' cats like to spend a lot of time with us, too.
23. When was the last time you cried?
I don't remember. I thought yesterday I was headed for an exhaustion-induced session, but nope.
24. What is on the floor of your closet?
Stuff that has to be washed and then either hung or laid flat to dry rather than being put in the dryer. Why? Because I'm obsessive like that.
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to?
I'm posting this online...that's a little different. The friend I still speak to regularly that I've known the longest is Jen.
26. What did you do last night
Came home, sat in a chair with my laptop on in my lap in order to send an e-mail attachment to a colleague, fell asleep in the chair (not having yet sent the e-mail), woke up, heard hubby wake up from his nap in the other room, sent the e-mail, went to Bible study, came home, dithered around on the Interweb for a bit, went to bed.
27. What are you most afraid of?
Failure
28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?
Cheese. Preferably (brace yourself) processed cheese. With bacon. And some kind of awesome sauce, like the Baconator sauce (oh, wait, I forgot the Wendy's lady told me that's just ketchup and mayo mixed together).
29. Favorite dog breed?
Something with soft fluffy hair, not wiry/bristly hair. And NOT a Jack Russell or anything wtih a comparable energy. And not yappy. That still leaves the field wide open.
30. Favorite day of the week?
Hmm. I guess Saturday, because I like to sleep in. The feeling of anticipating the weekend and then leaving work on Fridays is nice, but I am usually tired/etc. on Fridays.
31. How many provinces have you been in?
I don't think I've been in Alberta yet (Mom will correct me if I'm wrong), and I definitely haven't been to P.E.I. or Newfoundland...so 7.
32. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds.
33. What is your favorite flower?
I don't really have one. Roses are nice to get, but they're expensive :P.
1. What is your occupation right now?
High school math and science teacher
2. What color are your socks right now?
Black. I always wear black socks at work unless the laundry situation does not allow it...I know, I know, black socks never get dirty, but I just can't help but wash them anyway.
3. What are you listening to right now?
The fans pumping mass quantities of heated air into my classroom on this coldest day of the year (until tomorrow)
4. What was the last thing that you ate?
Trail mix
5. Can you drive a stick shift?
Yes, and do so pretty much every day...I get very confused in an automatic car :S
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Someone from the York University Foundation thanking me for the donation I gave way back before the strike started.
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Well, sure, he's my brother after all...you can't not like someone related to someone as wonderful as me ;).
8. How old are you today?
28 (for another 17 days)
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
Hockey...but I don't even watch that.
10. What is your favorite drink?
Cola (Coca-Cola or Pepsi...I don't usually care which, although I swing one way or another at times)
11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
No. Someone told me it would never come back the same and that scared me off.
12. Favorite food?
Does chocolate count?
13. What is the last movie you watched?
I showed my students part of Lion King the other day. You know you're a teacher when you choose the movie based on its curricular relevancy (we just finished studying ecology).
The last movie I saw in the theatre was The Tale of Disappointment--I mean, uh, Desperaux.
14. Favorite day of the year?
My birthday...in theory. Depends on the year.
15. How do you vent anger?
Depends...is anyone around to hear me?
16. What was your favorite toy as a child?
I spent a lot of time with LEGO, My Little Pony, and Barbie...but I also liked making stuff.
17. What is your favorite season?
Weather-wise, spring, but summer in general. I now have magnets that state the three best things about being a teacher are the month of June, the month of July, and the month of August :).
18. Cherries or Blueberries?
Strawberries.
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back?
I like e-mails...
20. Who is the most likely to respond?
*shrug* I hate it when these things ask this question. I think it is meant to guilt-trip someone into answering.
21. Who is least likely to respond?
See above.
22. Living arrangements?
Me and the hubby in a basement apartment we rent from my MIL (who lives upstairs with my 2 SILs)...oh, and the in-laws' cats like to spend a lot of time with us, too.
23. When was the last time you cried?
I don't remember. I thought yesterday I was headed for an exhaustion-induced session, but nope.
24. What is on the floor of your closet?
Stuff that has to be washed and then either hung or laid flat to dry rather than being put in the dryer. Why? Because I'm obsessive like that.
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to?
I'm posting this online...that's a little different. The friend I still speak to regularly that I've known the longest is Jen.
26. What did you do last night
Came home, sat in a chair with my laptop on in my lap in order to send an e-mail attachment to a colleague, fell asleep in the chair (not having yet sent the e-mail), woke up, heard hubby wake up from his nap in the other room, sent the e-mail, went to Bible study, came home, dithered around on the Interweb for a bit, went to bed.
27. What are you most afraid of?
Failure
28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?
Cheese. Preferably (brace yourself) processed cheese. With bacon. And some kind of awesome sauce, like the Baconator sauce (oh, wait, I forgot the Wendy's lady told me that's just ketchup and mayo mixed together).
29. Favorite dog breed?
Something with soft fluffy hair, not wiry/bristly hair. And NOT a Jack Russell or anything wtih a comparable energy. And not yappy. That still leaves the field wide open.
30. Favorite day of the week?
Hmm. I guess Saturday, because I like to sleep in. The feeling of anticipating the weekend and then leaving work on Fridays is nice, but I am usually tired/etc. on Fridays.
31. How many provinces have you been in?
I don't think I've been in Alberta yet (Mom will correct me if I'm wrong), and I definitely haven't been to P.E.I. or Newfoundland...so 7.
32. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds.
33. What is your favorite flower?
I don't really have one. Roses are nice to get, but they're expensive :P.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
One word.
Got this from Emma via e-mail, and since I just finished setting an exam I think I deserve a break to see what this piece of procrastination is all about. Here we go...
Answers can only be one word...
1. Where is your cell phone? Coat
2. Your significant other? Martin
3. Your job? Teacher
4. Shoes you are wearing? Socks
5. Your father? Dad
6. Your favorite thing? Chocolate?
7. Your dream last night? Forgotten
8. Your favorite drink? Cola
9. Your dream/goal? Upwards
10. Room you're in now? Main
11. Your fear? Failure
12. Where you want to be in 6 years? House
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. What you are not? Done
15. Muffins? Yum!
16. One of wish list items? House
17. Where did you grow up? Scarborough
18. The last thing you did? Exam
19. What you are wearing? Grubbies
20. Your tv? Underused
21. Your pet? Shadow
22. Your computer? Maclicious
23. Your life? Busy
24. Your mood? Okay
25. Missing someone? Always
26. Your car? Efficient
27. Something you are not wearing? Shoes
28. Favorite store? Chapters?
29. Favorite color? Blue
30. Favorite place? Home
31. Last time you laughed? Today
32. Last time you cried? Forgotten
33. Who will/would repost this? Unknown
34. Four places I go to over and over again...
(a) Home
(b) Work
(c) Church
(d) Paul's
35. Four people who email me?
(a) Mom
(b) Flylady
(c) Boss
(d) Facebook
36. Four favorite foods?
(a) Chocolate
(b) Sushi
(c) Burgers
(d) Eggs
37. Four places I would rather be right now?
(a) Bed
(b) Dominican
(c) Bahamas
(d) Cuba
Four people you think will respond?
(a) Unknown
(b) Unknown
(c) Unknown
(d) Unknown
Answers can only be one word...
1. Where is your cell phone? Coat
2. Your significant other? Martin
3. Your job? Teacher
4. Shoes you are wearing? Socks
5. Your father? Dad
6. Your favorite thing? Chocolate?
7. Your dream last night? Forgotten
8. Your favorite drink? Cola
9. Your dream/goal? Upwards
10. Room you're in now? Main
11. Your fear? Failure
12. Where you want to be in 6 years? House
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. What you are not? Done
15. Muffins? Yum!
16. One of wish list items? House
17. Where did you grow up? Scarborough
18. The last thing you did? Exam
19. What you are wearing? Grubbies
20. Your tv? Underused
21. Your pet? Shadow
22. Your computer? Maclicious
23. Your life? Busy
24. Your mood? Okay
25. Missing someone? Always
26. Your car? Efficient
27. Something you are not wearing? Shoes
28. Favorite store? Chapters?
29. Favorite color? Blue
30. Favorite place? Home
31. Last time you laughed? Today
32. Last time you cried? Forgotten
33. Who will/would repost this? Unknown
34. Four places I go to over and over again...
(a) Home
(b) Work
(c) Church
(d) Paul's
35. Four people who email me?
(a) Mom
(b) Flylady
(c) Boss
(d) Facebook
36. Four favorite foods?
(a) Chocolate
(b) Sushi
(c) Burgers
(d) Eggs
37. Four places I would rather be right now?
(a) Bed
(b) Dominican
(c) Bahamas
(d) Cuba
Four people you think will respond?
(a) Unknown
(b) Unknown
(c) Unknown
(d) Unknown
Friday, November 14, 2008
Three things about me
So...I'm cheating at this by making this a blog post (which will be imported into Facebook) rather than doing this via e-mail, but that doesn't stop any of you who read this from creating a similar e-mail forward or Facebook note out of it, so I'm still within the intent of the message, right ;)?
Three things about me.....
Three places I have lived: Mom and Dad's (Scarborough), Tyndale College (Toronto), Mother-in-law's basement apartment (Scarborough). Does 3 weeks in Israel and Jordan count?
Three shows that I watch: Heroes, Lost, Battlestar Galactica
Three places I have been: Israel and Jordan (counted as one), North Carolina, several provinces across Canada
Three places I have been this week: church, work, Science Teachers' Association of Ontario conference
Three People who e-mail me regularly: Facebook (e-mail notifications out the wazoo, but I like getting them), the curriculum leader of science at my school, and several e-mail newsletters that I actually intentionally signed up for at one point but now just allow to collect dust in my inbox. I have decided not to take it personally that pretty much no one other than my mom e-mails me to say "Hi" because I know how busy my friends are ('cuz it's not like I often take time out of my day to say "Hi" either :( ).
Three of my favourite foods: Strawberries, sushi, pretty much anything in the "dessert" or "bacon and processed cheese burger" categories
Three people I think will respond: I hate surveys that ask this question. I refuse to answer. Respond if you want to and don't if you don't...if you have to choose, I'd rather get one of those "Hi" e-mails or a phone call than a response to this post.
Now here's what you are supposed to do.....(and please don't spoil the fun)
Hit the forward key, delete my answers and type in your own answers.Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about those who think they know you. Don't forget to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
Three things about me.....
Three places I have lived: Mom and Dad's (Scarborough), Tyndale College (Toronto), Mother-in-law's basement apartment (Scarborough). Does 3 weeks in Israel and Jordan count?
Three shows that I watch: Heroes, Lost, Battlestar Galactica
Three places I have been: Israel and Jordan (counted as one), North Carolina, several provinces across Canada
Three places I have been this week: church, work, Science Teachers' Association of Ontario conference
Three People who e-mail me regularly: Facebook (e-mail notifications out the wazoo, but I like getting them), the curriculum leader of science at my school, and several e-mail newsletters that I actually intentionally signed up for at one point but now just allow to collect dust in my inbox. I have decided not to take it personally that pretty much no one other than my mom e-mails me to say "Hi" because I know how busy my friends are ('cuz it's not like I often take time out of my day to say "Hi" either :( ).
Three of my favourite foods: Strawberries, sushi, pretty much anything in the "dessert" or "bacon and processed cheese burger" categories
Three people I think will respond: I hate surveys that ask this question. I refuse to answer. Respond if you want to and don't if you don't...if you have to choose, I'd rather get one of those "Hi" e-mails or a phone call than a response to this post.
Now here's what you are supposed to do.....(and please don't spoil the fun)
Hit the forward key, delete my answers and type in your own answers.Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about those who think they know you. Don't forget to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
In dreams brought on by sleeplessness...
I've had a couple vivid dreams the last two nights, so I thought I'd write 'em out. I don't expect them to be important or even that interesting, but meh...
Last night's dream was not scary, but you gotta laugh at how many different stories I mashed together. In my dream, I was Superman. (Yes, I am apparently so secure in my femininity that my brain sometimes makes me play the part of a guy...I've been Peter Pan and other male characters in past dreams as well.) I was in a house and saw Darth Vader terrorizing a family (because everyone knows that Darth Vader is Superman's arch nemesis...). He had this device on the ground that looked like a large black pyramid-shaped kitchen timer. Somehow I knew that the whole terrorizing of the family was just meant to be a distraction, and that when that timer went off something would happen that would badly affect not them, but me. Somehow I knocked the timer thing back some metres, and the family disappeared while I then tackled the timer, turned it multiple times to try to give myself more time before the thing would go off, and then carried it outside the house a bit. However, some kind of marching band music was already starting to play loudly inside the house, and I somehow knew that if I heard too much of it things would not go well for me (this reminds me of a Lois & Clark episode where some psychologist brainwashed some people to kill when they heard "Battle Hymn of the Republic" and then played it on a loudspeaker). I started to run down the street and tried to fly, but I could only get just above the local shops and houses, and I was slow as molasses. I spotted Darth Vader walking down the street following me, pointing me out to every passer-by he could find. I tried to overcome my weakness by thinking of Jane, the love of my life with the red hair (yeah, I know, red-haired Mary Jane was Spiderman's crush, not Superman's :P), kind of like how in the book version of The Princess Bride Wesley tries to think of Buttercup to help him when he's being tortured. It only helped a very little bit. Finally I went right up to Darth Vader and held him against a wall, but my super-strength was also affected by whatever my affliction was, so I couldn't even beat him up, just hold him against the wall and stare at him. Darth Vader told me that when I'd had my powers I hadn't appreciated them...I guess he was trying to teach me a lesson, but was I going to die as a result of this lesson? Apparently not, because I suddenly glimpsed a reflection in the window behind Vader of Thing from the Fantastic Four coming up behind me and getting ready to punch Vader's head (it's good to have friends with superpowers when your own run out, even if they're from a completely different series). I was about to duck when I woke up.
Moral of the story: even superheroes shouldn't rely solely on themselves to do stuff...working with a team = good.
I did also have a very vivid scary dream two nights ago...I don't remember all the details, but after trying a particular doorknob a couple of times and finding it locked I somehow forcibly unlocked it (I seem to remember using those large snips caretakers use to cut locks off of lockers at schools, but that doesn't make sense given that it was just a doorknob). The door opened into the side of a hallway. A frosted window was across the hall and a little bit to the right. Bruce Willis was sitting on the ledge of this window and was looking at me...and was missing his right eye, with the eyelid sealed shut (like post-New-Caprica Saul Tigh in the re-imagined series of Battlestar Galactica). Okay, so that looked disturbing. I had this sense that I needed to overcome some challenge in order to survive this encounter. Hmm, maybe the challenge was that I needed to face my fear and enter the hallway and talk to him. As I entered the hallway and greeted him, I noticed someone else who was coming towards me down the hall & was already practically beside me...a tall lanky guy wearing a lab coat, with his mouth open, emitting a high-pitched mechanical whiny sound like Data did in his nightmares in the ST:TNG episode Phantasms. Bruce Willis had also gotten up off the window ledge and approached me, putting a hand on me to push me backwards. Of course, because this was a nightmare, I was powerless to fight back, and could only stumble backwards as Willis continued to push me until I ended up back-to-back with someone else I couldn't see. After that, all I remember is Bruce Willis telling me something like, "You had your one chance, woman" (hmm, so maybe if I'd just gone away and NOT talked to him when I saw him I would've been ok?)...and then I woke up as all the people surrounding me began to drill into my stomach with a fairly large drill! Not a pleasant way to wake up :P. When I am tired and it is dark, things like that keep me freaked out for a couple hours...at first I couldn't even handle opening the door to go out to the living room :P. Stupid scary dreams :P.
Moral of the story: some doors are better off left closed...and locked!
Last night's dream was not scary, but you gotta laugh at how many different stories I mashed together. In my dream, I was Superman. (Yes, I am apparently so secure in my femininity that my brain sometimes makes me play the part of a guy...I've been Peter Pan and other male characters in past dreams as well.) I was in a house and saw Darth Vader terrorizing a family (because everyone knows that Darth Vader is Superman's arch nemesis...). He had this device on the ground that looked like a large black pyramid-shaped kitchen timer. Somehow I knew that the whole terrorizing of the family was just meant to be a distraction, and that when that timer went off something would happen that would badly affect not them, but me. Somehow I knocked the timer thing back some metres, and the family disappeared while I then tackled the timer, turned it multiple times to try to give myself more time before the thing would go off, and then carried it outside the house a bit. However, some kind of marching band music was already starting to play loudly inside the house, and I somehow knew that if I heard too much of it things would not go well for me (this reminds me of a Lois & Clark episode where some psychologist brainwashed some people to kill when they heard "Battle Hymn of the Republic" and then played it on a loudspeaker). I started to run down the street and tried to fly, but I could only get just above the local shops and houses, and I was slow as molasses. I spotted Darth Vader walking down the street following me, pointing me out to every passer-by he could find. I tried to overcome my weakness by thinking of Jane, the love of my life with the red hair (yeah, I know, red-haired Mary Jane was Spiderman's crush, not Superman's :P), kind of like how in the book version of The Princess Bride Wesley tries to think of Buttercup to help him when he's being tortured. It only helped a very little bit. Finally I went right up to Darth Vader and held him against a wall, but my super-strength was also affected by whatever my affliction was, so I couldn't even beat him up, just hold him against the wall and stare at him. Darth Vader told me that when I'd had my powers I hadn't appreciated them...I guess he was trying to teach me a lesson, but was I going to die as a result of this lesson? Apparently not, because I suddenly glimpsed a reflection in the window behind Vader of Thing from the Fantastic Four coming up behind me and getting ready to punch Vader's head (it's good to have friends with superpowers when your own run out, even if they're from a completely different series). I was about to duck when I woke up.
Moral of the story: even superheroes shouldn't rely solely on themselves to do stuff...working with a team = good.
I did also have a very vivid scary dream two nights ago...I don't remember all the details, but after trying a particular doorknob a couple of times and finding it locked I somehow forcibly unlocked it (I seem to remember using those large snips caretakers use to cut locks off of lockers at schools, but that doesn't make sense given that it was just a doorknob). The door opened into the side of a hallway. A frosted window was across the hall and a little bit to the right. Bruce Willis was sitting on the ledge of this window and was looking at me...and was missing his right eye, with the eyelid sealed shut (like post-New-Caprica Saul Tigh in the re-imagined series of Battlestar Galactica). Okay, so that looked disturbing. I had this sense that I needed to overcome some challenge in order to survive this encounter. Hmm, maybe the challenge was that I needed to face my fear and enter the hallway and talk to him. As I entered the hallway and greeted him, I noticed someone else who was coming towards me down the hall & was already practically beside me...a tall lanky guy wearing a lab coat, with his mouth open, emitting a high-pitched mechanical whiny sound like Data did in his nightmares in the ST:TNG episode Phantasms. Bruce Willis had also gotten up off the window ledge and approached me, putting a hand on me to push me backwards. Of course, because this was a nightmare, I was powerless to fight back, and could only stumble backwards as Willis continued to push me until I ended up back-to-back with someone else I couldn't see. After that, all I remember is Bruce Willis telling me something like, "You had your one chance, woman" (hmm, so maybe if I'd just gone away and NOT talked to him when I saw him I would've been ok?)...and then I woke up as all the people surrounding me began to drill into my stomach with a fairly large drill! Not a pleasant way to wake up :P. When I am tired and it is dark, things like that keep me freaked out for a couple hours...at first I couldn't even handle opening the door to go out to the living room :P. Stupid scary dreams :P.
Moral of the story: some doors are better off left closed...and locked!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Today's AVM clinic visit
This is long. Sorry. It kinda has to be in order for you to understand the results of today's visit. Let me tell you a story...
***Part 1: Background***
Many of you will remember that in early August 2004, approximately four years ago, Martin collapsed at work with stroke-like symptoms. When he was taken to Sunnybrook Hospital (I know that's not technically its name), it was discovered that he had 2 AVMs in his brain, and that one of them had ruptured, sort of like an aneurysm. (If you don't know or don't remember what an AVM is, don't worry, I will include info on that below.) The focus four years ago was on saving Martin's life as the bleeding AVM threatened his life, then on getting him conscious again, then on getting him back to full mobility and so on. The AVM that had bled was removed via surgery two days after he collapsed (yes, Martin has had brain surgery), but since the other AVM was in a different area of the brain they did not traumatize Martin's brain further by digging around for it at that time. AVM #2 was left alone for the time being.
Three years ago, the medical team was pretty much satisfied that Martin had recovered enough from his bleed that they could start treating the other AVM--i.e., to do preventative work on it to get it to a point where it would not be able to bleed like the other one had. (Untreated, there is a 3% chance *every year* that an AVM can bleed.) The treatment recommended by the team was a highly focused type of radiation, which could be used to target just the AVM while leaving the surrounding brain tissue unaffected. Treating an AVM with radiation is not like treating cancer with radiation, however; while cancer patients go in for multiple bursts of radiation over many days, an AVM patient spends only about 20 minutes being treated in the radiation room (well, once all the setup is done...it takes a full day of CAT scans and such to prepare for it), receiving only 2 short bursts of radiation during that time. The radiation is completed on a single day. (The reason multiple sessions aren't required for an AVM like they are for cancer is because cancer grows...an AVM does not. As Schwarzenegger would say, "It's not a tumour.")
One day of radiation...that's all it takes. However, the treatment does not actually stop there. The purpose of the radiation is to create scar tissue inside the blood vessels of the AVM--scar tissue that builds up and builds up slowly, over the course of three years or so, until the AVM's blood vessels finally clog up and stop allowing blood to flow through them. If no blood can get into the AVM, the AVM can't bleed. While it might sound like a bad thing to cut off blood circulation, this is actually safe (and desirable) with AVMs because the blood vessels in an AVM do not service any part of the brain...they're kind of a tangle of useless blood vessels (more on this below). After the day the radiation is received, the patient goes about his daily life as usual, not coming back to the hospital until 2 years later (when the medical team looks to see if the radiation has done its job and finished making enough scar tissue), and, if necessary, once a year every year after that until the AVM shows that it has been fully treated. No additional radiation is given at the 2- and 3-year checkup (unless, I guess, if the progress of the AVM's treatment has been unsatisfactory and the medical team recommends it).
Last year, in the summer of 2007, the AVM clinic had Martin get an MRI done, and when the results came in we went back to the clinic to find out how the treatment of his AVM was progressing. The doctor told us last year that the MRI showed the AVM was either gone or almost gone, but that the resolution of an MRI is not fine enough to tell us for sure if it was indeed fully gone. For that, you need to get an angiogram done--a very invasive and uncomfortable procedure. The medical team recommended we wait another year, get an angiogram done at the end of that year, and then come in when the angiogram results were read to see what they had to say.
Today was the day of that visit.
***Part 2: A refresher on what AVMs are, and the results of today's visit***
The first picture above shows very loosely what an AVM is. On the left is an artery--a blood vessel that carries blood away from the heart, designed to handle the high pressure that such blood is under. On the right is a vein--a blood vessel that carries blood towards the heart, designed only to handle the much lower pressure that such blood is under. Normally, blood flows from an artery through several tiny blood vessels called capillaries before it gets into a vein, and the capillaries reduce the pressure the blood is under. In an AVM, these capillaries just aren't there. The vein shows up early, so to speak, and the blood flows directly from the artery into the vein. Because the vein is not designed to handle the kind of pressure the blood from the artery is under, there is a risk that it will rupture, causing bleeding into whatever body part the AVM is in (which, in Martin's case, is the brain, and bleeding in the brain puts pressure on the brain and is A Bad Thing). In addition to this direct artery-vein connection, this set of blood vessels is malformed, making a kind of tangle or knot of blood vessels in the brain. Hence the name AVM, which is short for arteriovenous malformation--"malformation" because of the tangled knottedness of it, "arteriovenous" because it involves an artery and a vein.
As I said before, it's not a tumour. It is not cancer. It does not grow. You do not develop it later in life. If you have one (or more than one!), you are born with it, and you would never know it until either it ruptures (this is how we found out about Martin's...collapsing with stroke-like symptoms kind of calls attention to something being wrong) or you require an MRI for some reason on the part of your body that happens to have an AVM (this is how we found out Martin had a second AVM and not just the one that burst). Even having a CAT scan for something else in your life generally will not call attention to any AVM you might have, because the resolution of a CAT scan is not fine enough to point them out. A more realistic picture of an AVM can be seen at http://brainavm.oci.utoronto.ca/images/malformations/avm_embo_treatment/what_is_avm.jpg.
Alright, enough background and on to the results. Three years ago, the medical team told us the AVM was approximately 2.5 centimeters in diameter (that's about an inch, for you non-metric folk). Today, we were told that it seems all that is left of the AVM is a shunt, although it is possible there may still be a small amount of tangle there. When I asked what size it is now, the doctor said it doesn't really have a size anymore, and that is when she drew the two diagrams that I have attempted to reproduce here. The second picture above shows what Martin's situation is now. The blood is still going directly from an artery to a vein (which is a Bad Thing), but most if not all of the tangle has been dealt with. The radiation has almost completely dealt with the AVM. Because the blood is still going directly from an artery to a vein, there is still a possibility of a bleed occuring. The doctor who spoke to us told us the chances of a bleed might be lower with this situation than what the chances were 3 years ago, but that there aren't enough good studies out there right now for the medical team to know for sure.
Where do we go from here? The medical team recommends we wait 1 more year and get another angiogram done at the end of that year, then come back to the AVM clinic when the results of the angiogram are ready to see what they have to say. Hopefully we will discover that the radiation has finished its job and closed off even this shunt. If not, we will have to make a decision: do we do another burst of radiation, or do we leave the AVM as-is and live with the (maybe reduced, maybe not) risk that it will bleed at some future point in Martin's life? Well, that is a decision for next year. For now, I will be glad that the AVM is much reduced from what it used to be, and hope that when we go back next year we'll find that the AVM is completely gone and that no further treatment is necessary. More radiation would not be the end of the world (especially since it was so effective in reducing the AVM down as much as it has), but it would mean quite a bit of discomfort for Martin on radiation day and for a few days afterwards.
There, I think I've said all I wanted to get out. Feel free to ask questions if you need clarification on anything above or just want to "know stuff."
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